The One With Day 30

Current Mood: Thankful

Well, this was the last day of the 30 Day Faith Experiment. And no surprises! Can you believe it? I figured that today God would do something amazing to kinda go out with a bang. But that's how I do things, not how God does things. That reminds me of one of the interesting points from Wild at Heart. God never works the same way twice. Remember how he restored sight? In John 9, he simply touched the eyes of a blind man and his sight was restored. But in Matthew 9, he made mud from clay and spit and placed it on the blind man's eyes. I think that's a subtle point that I always overlooked. I think God is telling us, "Now, don't you go trying to shove me into a box. Part of what makes this relationship work is that you don't know how I operate." It forces us to find God in new places and to try new things.

Yesterday, when I was thinking about today and it being the last day of the experiment, I tried not to think about how I would feel if nothing extraordinary happened because I knew I would feel disappointed. And that's not how I wanted the experiment to end. Funny though...I am not disappointed. Actually, I feel very peaceful about the whole thing. I thought I would be sad that this whole new experience is over, but I am not. I guess I know that it's not over. Just because November is gone, doesn't mean that God's will is. I look back over the past month and I see all the things God has taught me. My attitude has changed about a great many things. My heart has grown and changed as have my desires about love and marriage. He has better prepared for the next part of my life. He has brought a new batch of Christians into my life that have help me address some of the interpersonal issues I have - and that have helped me have a great time! My faith is stronger and it's like I know God better now. And all of this after only a month.

Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with this project. Thank you for your prayers and comments. And thanks to everyone who linked over from Terry Esau's site. I am still praying for those of you I know are doing this experiment yourselves. And for those of you who aren't, maybe you should look into it. What have you got to lose?


Last note, the Christmas Season is FINALLY here! Be watching tomorrow! I am excited about the surprise I have in store for my Blog readers! SHINE returns tomorrow!!!

The One With Day 29

So, one day left. I have to say....

Well, I don't HAVE to say. I don't HAVE to say anything. This is my Blog and I can do what I like.


What was I talking about?

So, I am nervous! I mean, tomorrow is Day 30. That sorta signifies the end of the 30 day faith experiment. What does God have in mind for the last day? And how is the rest of my life going to be.

I feel different. Today I was sitting in the living room filling out the study guide for my Christian Heritage class (that I despise!) and I got frustrated. That's not out of the ordinary. It's just so much busy work and so tedious! Anyway, I got to one point and nearly chunked the book across the room...


And I started to say a naughty word. I know, I know. Can you believe it? And you thought I was infallible, right? Anyway, I froze mid curse word and realized that this is no longer who I am. In the past, I would have stayed and simmered for a while, and thought a few more bad words. But suddenly, the feeling was gone. I looked around the room and realized that i was sitting in my house studying...and I...oh I don't know. It is so hard to put into words. I just feel different. I am excited about what tomorrow holds. Only one day left.

The next two weeks are going to be insane. But I am looking forward to them.

The One With Day 28

Today was the last chapel of the semester. And an interesting one at that. Two things occurred that caught my attention. The first was before chapel even started. I was sitting there and something set me off. I mean, it wasn't dreadful or anything...but still.


Anyway, some freshmen flocked past me and were talking something stupid...and my mind immediately went to cynical mode. I mean, we were at Defcon 5 on the Cynicometer. It was then that I realized that my cynical nature is not from God. Sure, sarcasm is funny and it has always brought laughs in the past. And I don't think there is anything wrong with some fun every now and then. The problem is - I think sarcasm is my defense mechanism. How melodramatic is that? But it's the truth. The first thing that comes to mind is something sarcastic and I don't think that is what God wants. It's interesting to see how God changes something that is so ingrained in my personality. How much change will there be?

The One With Day 27

Current Mood: Uber Sleepy
Currently Watching: Will & Grace

Today was a good day. In continuing with God's trend of improving my interpersonal relationships this month, the most notable thing happened tonight during the choir's social after the service. There was nothing at all remarkable about the social (althought everyone seemed to be having a good time), but I realize something about the youth pastor at the church. I know that some of you know the youth pastor, so please keep this post under your took. When I was in high school, this pastor and I never really got along. He spent his time playing football and wrestling and I was singing my heart out in musicals. A while ago, he mentioned in Sunday school that he had the spiritual gift of discernment. That stuck with me, because I have that gift as well. Anyway, tonight the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Allow me to elaborate.

To begin with, I was often hurt by how well this pastor got along with everyone else in the youth group, because I never had that with him. I always kinda thought that it was simply because we have absolutely nothing in common. That makes for difficult conversations. Adding our spiritual gifts into the mx, creates two guys with nothing in common who are constantly trying to figure out what makes the other one tick. Neither of us ever really knew how to treat the other.

You know, this was far more eloquent when I was planning it in my head on the way home. But I think you get the jist. It was a nice revelation and I am going to put forth more effort in strengthening my relationship with this guy. He may not be my youth pastor anymore, but I still work with him. Should prove interesting.

Did I mention that I am tired? Goodnight.

The One With Days 25 and 26

I know, I know. It's horrible that I am cramming two days into one post, but you have to understand. This weekend has been so relaxing (for the most part) that I have nothing to write! I am still asking God to surprise me, and in the little things he does, but nothing overtly astounding lately.

The most interesting thing has continued to be in writing. Here's my thing with writing. I love stories. I LOVE stories. I think we have covered this topic before. I mean, you KNOW how many books I have, right? Well, stories pop into my head all the time. I will be driving down the road or listening to some music when, out of nowhere, a new plot will materialize and play itself out in my head. I am feeling a little deja vu.

I've told you about this before. Anyway, moving along. Now, every once in a while, a story appears that makes it into the form of a short story...no novels yet - I haven't the patience. The vast majority of my little narratives take the form of scripts. Sometimes television shows, sometimes movies...it all just depends. I don't have aspirations of greatness or anything like that, but I do enjoy getting my thoughts down on paper. After a few weeks, I get bored and move on. Therefore, I have a drive full of unfinished stories. But lately, instead of boring me, a few of my stories have stuck around in my head. In the past, it's been enough to run the scenes I have stored up in my mind a few times and that's it. Then I can move on. Over the past month, these stories have grown and changed and are beginning to take on the flesh of actual, complete narratives. It's a LOT of fun! This weekend, I have been working on the flow summary (that's the shorthand version of a story that lets me get the whole plot outlined so that I can go back and fill it in) and this story shows no sign of dying down. I am really excited about it! And I don't really know why.

You know, we all have our dreams. I have lots of dreams. There are so many things in this world that I would like to do. What if this is one of those things? I am not naive enough to consider this some awakening of my inner writer, but the prospect intrigues me. What if this is part of what God has planned for my life later on. How cool would that be?

In that book that I just finished, Wild at Heart, the author often talks about the fact that if you ever got a man to honestly tell you how he's doing, he would say that he is bored. Society teaches us to conform to the cookie cutter. To be a man, you must have a job that keeps you away from your family at least 8 hours a day. You must not enjoy it. You must not keep close friends or hobbies. You are your work. So, men bury who they really are. They let their dreams and aspirations dwindle down to the tiniest flames. That's why I love the quote I gave you a couple of days ago. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Why do we so often dampen the hopes and dreams of those closest to us? Why do we tell them to give up their silly fantasies and join the "real world?" What if somebody had told Samuel Clemens that he would never be able to make a living as a writer (although, maybe someone did...hence the pseudonym)? What if Frank Sinatra's best friend has told him that he had a great voice, but nobody ever makes it as a singer - most new artists never get signed and whither into obscurity? Why do we live in a society that tells men that stability is the only thing that matters? Sheesh, what a boring reality...

The One With Lisa Day

Sorry, just got this LOVELY E-mail from my good friend Lisa Day.


I am infuriated. And, particularly for all you fellow Texas out there, I wanted you to see why. Lisa moved to Boston last summer *sniff* and apparently she thinks that makes her better than us for some reason.

Anyway, if you know Lisa, watch this video...


Just click play

The One With Day 24

Current Mood: Elated
Current Music: CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!!!!!


Okay, it is now officially okay to listen to Christmas music!!!! This post is a little confusing...see, i was going to post last night to tell you about Thanksgiving (HAPPY THANKSGIVING, by the way!), but I really wanted to put my little dancing Christmas tree up...so I did it today. Anyway, about Day 24. Mostly uneventful. Thanksgiving at our house is pretty much about how much food we can digest in one day. It's a blast! The REAL fun came last night. I would love to put details on here, but I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed.

Here, let me be vague...last night was interesting because it let me see how faithful God is to those who pray to him. In the middle of a huge fight between family members, I found myself becoming frustrated with one of them (we'll call them Pat) because Pat refused to deal with the situation in an adult, rational manner. More than that, Pat admitted that Pat was selfish and didn't care about anyone, and was fine with that. Suddenly, the thought popped into my head..."You can't make Pat think differently. Leave that part to God. You should be praying." Oh my goodness, you would have thought Mr. Pat had shifted back to Dr. Jekyl. Anyway, it was a big lesson. Not that God answers prayer, I knew that, but that I have to take everything to Him. The instant I stop my conversation with God, I falter.

Okay, new topic. Go CHRISTMAS! I have added two special Christmas bonuses for you. The first is the Post Link, and the second is this---->KSBJ (#1 listener supported Christian station in the COUNTRY!) is playing 100% Christmas music from now until Christmas Day. Go to www.godlistens.com to partake! Enjoy and Happy Christmas Season to you!

The One With Day 23

Yes, I know that I haven't actually posted on the correct day in a while. But that's okay. I can still remember yesterday, at least for a few more hours ;-) So, yesterday I was still feeling pretty sick (mostly tired), but I managed to make it to my parents house without incident. Last night we played Nertz (PROPS to Daniel and Julie!), which was a lot of fun. Well, I had fun. I think it was a little too fast paced for everyone else, but that's okay. Jenn finally quit (which she does a lot. She's not much fun.), so we agreed to play HER game....Battle of the Sexes.



Hands down, worst game ever created. I am not kidding. I cannot remember the last time I was *side note, Daniel just called. Interesting....write someone's name and they call me....Hmmmmm...Bethany Joy Lenz, OH! Now I am sad again.* that disilusioned with a game. The cards that the girls got were ALL questions that everyone at the table knew, but ours were unanswerable. Anyway, I went to bed in a bad mood.

BUT, I finally finished the book I have been reading, Wild at Heart. And after careful consideration, it will have to go on my recommendation list! There are parts of it that seem to embrace a smidge of gender stereotyping and sometimes I feel like the author is trying to justify some violent tendencies, but overall the book is EXCELLENT! I recommended it to both men and women. A lot of the points hit me really hard. I guess there are a number of aspects about being a "man" that I never really entertained. And that is what the book addresses. Being a "man of God," sure, but more importantly, being a "man."

There are a bunch of things that I want to write for you guys on here, but it's Thanksgiving, so I am going back downstairs. I'll tell you more as I go along. Oh, and Daniel...I may not give it back to you yet. I want to read it again.


I will leave you with this qutoe, my FAVORITE from the entire book. Ironically, not by the author but by Gil Bailie.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.
Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that....

...because what the world needs

is people who have come ALIVE."

Beck Bots

Well, I had decided that for this month, my posts would be exclusively reserved for the experiment. The problem is, I have so much other stuff stacking up to post in December! And it's not really fair to you guys to make you wait. So, for the last week, I am going to include some other items I thought you might find interesting.

Item #1: I don't know if you have seen Beck's new video (which I wanted to put on here, but could not because it does not adhere to my standards), but in lieu of dancers, he uses four prototype robots from Sony. Well, I am bit of a robot freak! I LOVE them! And these four blew me away. I figured for sure that they were on remote and were actually filmed in small pieces, but I was wrong! Anyway, I was THRILLED when I ran across this video of the robots doing a dry run of their choreography. Check it out by clicking the link at the top of this post. I think you will be impressed. The programming that went into this would have to be insane and the joint articulation is AMAZING! Enjoy!

The One With Day 22

I can't believe that this experiment is almost over. I can't remember the last time that a month went by so quickly. I am leaving in a few hours to head back to Ovilla for Thanksgiving. I LOVE this time of year! The only down side is that is feels like time moves so much faster from October to January. Once I am back in Waco next week, it will seem like only a few days before I am back in Ovilla again for Christmas. Not that that is bad, but like I said, favorite time of year. I wish time could SLOW down instead. Oh well. Today was a fun day. Jenn went home, so it was just me and Bear for most of the day. Every once in a while, I relish the opportunity to spend a day by myself. Don't you? I know people who can't stand even to spend one day without hanging around their friends...

That would drive me nuts.



I mean, people are good and all, and God's creations, etc. etc.


Okay, it's not me. Bear hates the world. Just Kidding!


Sorry about the weird mood. I am still recovering from being sick. I am looking forward to reading the ten or so books that are in my list. So, I am going to clean up my house, then I am going to Ovilla to get on it! Adios!

The One With Days 18, 19, 20, and 21

Current Mood: Sick
Currently Watching: HEX

My apologies for this late post about this weekend. I went to College Station on Friday and stayed through Sunday. Unfortunately, due to the idiocy of Cox Communications, I was unable to access the internet, hence......no posts.


Oh, and fair warning, like I wrote above, I am a little sick today, so forgive me if this post is not quite as perky as normal.

I have been feeling a little down on the "Surprise Me, God" end of things. Nothing extraordinary has happened lately, and I guess I am just afraid that I did something to mess it up. Then, of course, one or two little things remind that God is still working behind the scenes and though I may not be able to see it, He still has a plan.

College Station was a lot of fun. It was definitely a nice little getaway from school that I needed (I know, Thanksgiving holiday starts in two days, but such is life). It was really fun to hang out with the Saylaks for a couple of days. Plus, I have missed College Station so much since moving to Waco! I got to go to my favorite restaurants and see Harry Potter! YEAH!!!! Sunday was Chris's birthday, so we went to the movie theater and then to Diary Queen for ice cream. Ahhhh...the life of a six year old. Sometimes it seems very nice. Anyway, the BEST part of this weekend was Sunday morning. I wanted to go to Kurten, but I had to be at the theater by 11, so I went to Grace with Diana instead. And I got to sing! I cannot tell you how much I miss not only leading in worship, but hanging out with the other choir members as well. They are so welcoming and honest. Any time spent with with Rob, Becca, Clayton, Rhonda, Pam, Karen, David, Bruce, Bonnie, Stephanie, Daphne, Paige, Ryan,Kristin and the oodles of new members that I don't even know yet is time WELL SPENT! For the first time since I left Grace though, I didn't feel awkward going back and I wasn't racked with sorrow over leaving again. That's a nice feeling. I guess God is helping me move on.

I think that's about it. So that brings us to today. I sleptwalked through my day today. And I mean that literally. I blinked in chapel and found that half an hour had passed by. Yeah, it was THAT bad. I am hoping that this is just a little ole cold, but my total lack of energy is nudging me toward the flu. Ugg. Major Ugg. Happy Thanksgiving.

Okay, so on to the good things. For one thing, special props go out to AMBER RIDDLE! She left a comment on the post below this one that was exactly what I needed to read. Sometimes, I get really nervous about my audition coming up next month. I know that there will be so many other students there who sing much better than I do, and I do not want to be laughed out of the hall. Not that I think they would actually laugh. You know, the last time I sang at something like this was in high school (state competition), I was DEPLORABLE! I know what you are going to say, "Oh, you couldn't have been that bad." But I was. Really, I was. I kinda wish I still had the judges' score sheets so I could put them on here. ouch. Anyway, I am a little nervous. So, thank you, Amber! You made me feel better.

Now, second thing. Because of how positively rotten I feel today, I had to skip out on Thanksgiving dinner tonight. I was crushed! I have really loved hanging out with Daniel and Julie and their friends these past two weeks, and I hated the fact that I was invite to come tonight and had to back out.

Wait, that's not the good thing...in case you couldn't guess that yet. A little while ago, I got a call from Daniel's phone. Turns out, it was Jeff, one of the guys I have been hanging out with, calling to tell me that he was hurt I wasn't there because he had made me a personalized cup. Hahahahaha. Cracks me up. Anyway, it is nice to finally have new friends after....I don't know, a long time. And now, dear friends, I am going to sleep. By the way, you REALLY need to click on Ventrilo Instructions on the right and come talk to us! We get bored extremely easily!

The One With Day 17

Current Mood: Kinda Goofy
Currently Watching: Numb3rs

So, this book that I told you I am reading...Wild at Heart. I haven't finished it yet and I am waiting to give my verdict on it until it is all done. But, at this point, I CAN say that it is intriguing. The base of the author's views seems sound, but some of his supporting evidence is suspect. I will keep you posted. I don't have much more to say about today, but I think that this weekend will have more interesting things. I'll keep you posted.


By the way, if you'll look at the right hand side of the page, you'll notice a new link labelled "Me Singing." Bill, that's there for YOU, baby! Woo hoo! Bill, one of my friends from College Station mentioned that he missed hearing my audition pieces this summer, so I have put them back up. You guys, tell me what you think! My audition is in a few weeks, so I NEED FEEDBACK!! Thanks!

The One With Day 16

Current Mood: Giddy I don't know how the rest of you Texans are taking this change in the weather, but I LOVE IT! Winter is finally here.


At least this week.

There is just something about the cold that brings out the best in me. Cold cold cold cold cold. On cold days, I walk outside and I am instantly in a terrific mood. The only way it could be better is if it was raining. I know that once it FINALLY gets cold here, the holidays are just around the corner! I love this time of year. Next week is Thanksgiving. On Monday, I am having Thanksgiving over at Chris' house, then on Wednesday, I am OUT of here! Much needed vacation time.

Then after that........


CHRISTMAS! I have to admit, I have really been struggling with not listening to Christmas music. It's gotten to where I turn it on for a while just about every other day. And it is KILLING me not to have any on the site yet. That's why I haven't swapped in any new music lately. Sorry! Come the day after Thanksgiving, it's Christmas all the way! I am letting myself slide a little today so that I can add ONE new song. It's called First Snow by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and it doesn't count because it is not strictly a Christmas song. Tell me what you think of it!


Throughout this entire experiment, God has been working at turning me into what He wants me to be. Which makes me wonder. Do we need to ask God to become better people. I mean, I know that God has been faithful in my life and has been guiding me, but it's like I am suddenly on the fast track. How many things have I missed simply because I didn't ask? Freaky.

This story has been floating around in my head for a LONG time now, but until today I have never written it down. I spend a lot of my time (when I am driving - ALL of my time) building stories in my head. It's just kind of fun for me to explore what could happen if a certain situation transpired. I never really thought much more about it. But lately, those stories have started to grow and take up more of my thoughts. It's almost like God is cultivating them in my head, so I started writing this one down. It's a lot of fun! I think that in the past I was scared to write anything because I was worried people would hate it, but after this year where I have had professors praising the things I have written, I am more confident. I will have to let you read something when I finish it. Then you can tell me the truth. Because I know you Inner Circlers out there. Brutally honest. BRUTAL! Just kidding. On to surprise number two.

I got an IM tonight from another friend from high school. It is very weird how God is bringing these people back into my life. For those of you don't know (and with my apologies to those of you who do), I do not keep up with old friends. With few exceptions, if either of us moves to a different town - it's pretty much goodbye friendship. Not that I flip some switch or something and ignore them. I guess I am an out of sight out of mind kind of guy. At least, I used to be. Anyway, so this friend sent me a message and we started talking. It was fun! She is UBER smart and, for some reason, when I talk to her, all of these big words and complex sentence structures come pouring out of my mouth. Every noticed how some people amplify certain parts of your personality? It's interesting, because you can really examine those parts up close.

Okay, so that's today. Small revelation and another long lost friend. I am excited about tomorrow! Did you realize that I am half way through this experiment? Yowza! (10 cool points to the person who can name where Yowza came from!) I think tomorrow I am going to take a small step toward finding an old friend on my own, without any prompting. OoooooOOoOoo...

The One With Day 15

Man, I am updating EARLY today! Phew!! So, here is another insight into the course of this experiment. Some days I wake up and think, "Hmmm...I wonder if something completely remarkable is going to happen?" Usually, those days are days of reflection and quiet surprises that teach me more about who God is, who I am, and how I am incorporated into his plan. Then there are days where I wake up, pray that God will surprise me, and immediately feel like he's standing in the room smiling with a twinkle in his eye saying, "Just you wait..." Today was a "Just you Wait..." kind of day. Daniel loaned me a book last week that I just started today. Now, I am assuming that many of you have heard of it...It's called Wild at Heart. I have heard people rave about this book for YEARS, but I have never picked it up. Mostly, because it falls dangerously close to the self-help realm of literature...and that just ain't my bag. I am more of a novel person. Seriously. Hang on, I am going to count my books.....Okay, all done. I have 352 books on my bookshelves. And...90% of those are novels. I LOVE losing myself in a story. Anyway, I have never put much weight in "preachy" books. This book, however, has proved interesting. The basic premise (at least as far as I can tell from the first 38 pages) is that God designed men to be "men." Hmmm...that's not very enlightening. Let me try again. The author is saying that men were made to be arrogant, aggressive, to seek out adventure and battles and that God designed us to be that way. He criticizes our society for "femininizing" men and then griping that all the "real" men are gone. It's an interesting idea.


Not sure I agree with it yet, but it has intrigued me enough to convince me to read the whole thing. I'll let you know more once I have finished it.

The surprise today came as I read over the descriptions of some of the "manly" activities listed in the book, as well as some other points about men in general. I can remember thinking to myself.....


"GOSH, this class is boring!"


Wait, I was in Astronomy. THEN I thought, "You know, none of these apply to me. I have no desire to go hunting. I am not at all competitive. I do not draw feelings of accomplishment from risking my life in daring endeavors." Which is all true. I am not exactly a "man's man." What was startling was the next thought that materialized in my head...


"But you could be..."

Not saying that I WANT to be any of those things. But I realized that we so often talk ourselves out of doing things. I tell myself all the time I can't do that. Or I shouldn't do that. Or that is just silly. For many years, I have accepted that I am who I am. What I ignored was the fact that I can change. Not only that, but I can CHANGE ME! I don't have to be the way that I am, in any aspect of my life. If I don't like something or want to try something different, I can. It's up to me. Well, and God...He gets a say in what goes on. In the past, I have always wondered, "If I change something about me, aren't I changing who I am? And isn't that kind of like abandoning myself?" But, I don't believe the things that can be changed are what define us. Who we are remains, regardless of how I alter my life. What's holding me back? What's holding YOU back? Is there a fleeting thought that enters your head every once in a while? A thought that you quickly dismiss as pointless and trivial? So, you want to do something different? Me too! Here is my Day 15 resolution! From now on, instead of talking myself out of things, I am going to say, "Why not?" shrug my shoulders, and DO IT!

BY THE WAY!!!!! Here's your surprise, faithful friends!


Mark it off on your calendar.....



The Big Event is coming......


Are you ready?


Sitting down?


Here it comes....



It's on its way....


ANNOUNCING!!

VENTRILO TRIVIA CHALLENGE II

More details will be coming soon, but mark December 10, 2005 on your calendars! Click the link on the right for more information!

The One With Day 14

Well, not much to report today. I went to bed WAY too late last night and sleptwalked through today as a result. I did, however, have a GREAT time playing Nertz and watching Star Wars with friends tonight. I am so thankful that God has brought new friends into my life! Yeah!!!! Anyway, no surprises, but....I may not have been in an observational mood today. Anyway, good night, everyone!


OH!!!!! There is a surprise coming for YOU GUYS soon! Be watching!

The One With Day 13

Current Mood: Tired

Well, today was okay. Gosh, I am SO tired! I may not make it all the way through this post. Choir was a blast! And through it God taught me quite a few things.

1. This philosophy that Respect and Friendship are mutually exclusive was coined by those too lazy to strive to understand those in their care. I am very tired of hearing sponsors tell other sponsors, "Now, you know that you cannot be their buddy. If they like you, they won't respect you." This sounds to me like a poor excuse not to form relationships with the kids in the choir. The truth of the matter is, they will respect you far more if you have a good relationship with you. Then you can change their behavior without building resentment. It irritates me that some of my fellow leaders think their job is related to that of a prison guard. That's not how this work. Sponsors are not there simply to reprimand students who are cutting up, they are there to teach and guide as well. In fact, I would say that it is MORE important to be someone they trust and look up to than to be a staunch disciplinarian. I am not saying that we shouldn't help preserve order, but our focus should be on making them better people and stronger Christians, even at the cost of a top-notch choir.


Let me honest with you. Some might say that I am bright-eyed newbie in the choir company, and that may be true. But some days I find myself disillusioned by other sponsors. Some stand in the back and talk amongst themselves for the duration of the rehearsal. Others sit in the midst of the students and scowl at those who talk. Haven't they missed the point? Why don't they realize their purpose? If they are not there to build healthy mentoring relationships with kids who need it, why come at all? Discipline, many will say - a fallacy. Grady can take care of himself. There is not a doubt in the mind of a single student or sponsor that Grady could handle all 150 choir members without any help. He can be THAT scary ;-). I KNOW why I am there. And even if it irritates other sponsors that I consider the students more than naughty dogs deserving of a water bottle spritz, I will continue to do so. Authority figures CAN be a friend and be respected at the same time. I refuse to blindly accept the admonishings of those who do not understand the privilege of the position they in habit.

2. God has plans for me, even when I am too chicken to take a leap of faith. There are three kids in the choir that I do not like. There, I said it. Wrote it. Whatever. Wait, wait, wait...I don't treat them any differently (except for maybe efforting slightly to avoid them), but they are not in my list of favorites. I should say WERE three kids... I knew deep down that I should not feel the way I did and that it was probably because I just hadn't really given them a chance. Well, THAT'S not quite true, they had earned my distaste. Anyway, story still applies...So, I worked on altering my attitutde, but I never could go up and start a conversation. God finally said, "Fine, coward. I'll do it." Two weeks ago found me sitting next to one of them. By the end of the rehearsal I had deduced that yes, he is a bit of a choir slacker and yes, he has no intention of singing or taking any of this seriously...but he's nice. Out of his element, but still capable of common human niceties. Today, problem kid #2 suddenly started talking to me...unprompted! From the second he turned around and joined his friends in giving me goofy looks in the middle of rehearsal, I felt God tapping on the inside of my skull. He was saying, "You trust me to keep the entire world in check, but buck at the thought of talking to one kid who intimidates you. Shame! You want to understand these kids and I am going to help you do it."


What. God knows morse code.


Anyway, I guess today was just a learning day in choir. One of the other 30 day bloggers from the school said that he felt like God was opening up his eyes so that he could see things the way God sees them. I think that is accurate. It's interesting.

Uggggg....Goodnight!!

The One With Day 12

Current Mood: Different
Current Music: Point of Grace "Day by Day" from 24

I was going to write that today was a stinker, but I have been thinking about it and that is not exactly true. Sure, my plans never materialized. Sure, I let myself hope for something that I knew was ridiculous. But, as I look back over today, it wasn't too bad.

I still feel weird, almost as if seomone else looking out at the world through my eyes. But then, I know it's me.....yeah, that doesn't make any sense. And I am okay with that.

Today I had planned to go sailing with my parents and my neighbor, but my dad spent all day working on the pump in the creek behind our house and sailing never happened. That stinks, but it's not too bad. I went shopping with my mom. Not for anything fun, really. Medecine for Bear, some groceries, and sprinkler parts mostly. I DID wind up with a SWEET new CD though, coutesy of my mother.


IT'S A CHRISTMAS CD AND I DON'T CARE!!!!!! We were standing in line at Starbucks and I picked it up to see who was on it. Are you ready for this? Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Dean Martin, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, B.B. King, Nat King Cole........it's AWESOME! So, when I saw it, I gasped, of course. Well, my mom grabbed it and handed it to the cashier. Everyone say Ahhhhhhh...So, I have a STELLAR new CD and that's good.

Now, for the dashing of the hopes bit. I don't think I ever wrote about this on here, so this might be new for some of you. Or maybe I did....I can't remember. Either way, I had to quit driving to Zion (my church) on Sunday mornings after the Hurricanes because I have to go to Dallas Sunday night and gas was just too expensive. Oh, I think I DID talk about this....anyway, I kinda went into full blown hermit mode for about a week, but I got better. Well, NOW gas prices have dropped back down to below where they were before, so I thought for sure my dad would be okay with my going back to Kurten.



Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh.....notsomuch. That's frustrating, but not out of character. The truth is, to my dad, church=First Baptist Church Dallas. That's where he was raised and spent nearly his entire life. It's not his fault, but the fact that I am choir sponsor there means to him that this whole country church thing is just a phase. He thinks I have friends there and that I just want to go to social hour every Sunday morning because that's why he goes to church. The truth is, I love that little church! Yes, the people there are wonderful and I love spending time with them. But, more than that, I feel comfortable at Zion (something I have NEVER been able to say about FBCD), the messages are genuine and heartfelt (as opposed to over-dramatic and rehearsed), and I get to praise God in an atmosphere where no one is judgemental and is truly there to worship (instead of being present to make a social statement). I know that this all sounds a little harsh. I wish that you could HEAR me say all of this instead of reading it, because NONE of what I am saying is mean-spirited or bitter. It's just the truth. And it's a truth that I have never let myself admit because I know that my dad wants me at FBC and I figured that I was just being wistful and silly.

But today, my mom told me that I was just trying to hold onto the past. Yes, because my futureless, goaless life in College Station is DEFINITELY a past I wish was still part of my present....She told me that it is time for me to find a church family in Waco. The problem is that I do not get to join church families. Three churches in four years. That's not enought time to get plugged in. I am not holding onto the past, I am trying not to get lost in the present.

Not to worry, everyone. I made a committment to Grady and he was generous enough to let me work with the choir that was a big part of my life for a long time. As much as sometimes I wish I had made a different decision, I will keep coming to Dallas every Sunday to help where I am needed. My heartfelt apologies to everyone at Zion, but it looks like I may not get to come back like I had planned.


Okay, that makes me extremely sad, now that I think about it. Leaving it up to God is sometimes easier said than done. I wish that I knew someone I could talk to. Not necessarily about this, but in general. It's been an adventure getting to know the people that God put into (or back into) my life of late, but I have thus far not found anyone that I feel completely comfortable around. *sigh* Someday. OH! And before I forget...Mom, do NOT leave me a comment about dad on this post or further clarifying the collaborative parental position in this matter. I understand and, no matter what you are going to tell yourself, I am NOT mad at either one of you. Really! I promise! This is not an attack on dad, I just made a promise to be honest throughout this experiment and there it is.

So...that's what happened today. I am not in a bad mood or depressed like this post makes it sound. I promise! And I was not mad at my parents. I was a little irritated with myself for letting me get so hopeful about something I should have known wasn't going to happen, but such is life. I guess there is not much of a surprise in today. I know God is working, I feel it in my attitude and the way my thought processes work now, and I am waiting to see where He takes me next. In the meantime, I think I am going to go to bed. Church tonorrow. Not really sure where I am going to go, but I am going somewhere!

The One With Day 11

Current Mood: Laughing ---->
Current Music: The music of SHINE: the Blog!

So, I couldn't think of a single time when I would ever use the picture of the dancing chick. I decided that today was as good a day as any! Hee hee hee. It makes me. With this web browser, I can enlarge the screen and the image of that chick dancing full screen CRACKS ME UP!

I wanted to apologize for belaying this entry. I try very hard to write about each day in the experiment as it happens, but sometimes that is just not possible. Yesterday ended up being a much later day than I anticpated! Last night, I went to the charity auction for my sister's high school and had a really good time! The auctioneer is a friend of my dad, so the live auction was a blast! Rocky (the auctioneer) and my dad have it rigged. Hee hee hee. It is muchas fun to watch them drive the bidding price up just for kicks (and for a good cause). Well, usually....We kinda went too far with the last lot and the other bidder dropped out. Poor Rocky must have tried to get him back in the running for a good five minutes, but, alas, it was not to be. Although, I have to say that I was a mite torn...because it was a really good lot! And we got stuck with it. But it's all good because now I am going to a Stars game in January in row F! Yeah!! Anyway, after that, I watched a movie with my parents and went to bed. Dude, it was LATE! Today we are.....wait, NOOOOO!!! I will write about today later. Back on track!

As far as the experiment goes, I still feel a little........weird. I don't really have a better adjective. I am still very nervous to see where all of this is going. It's interesting because the more I see changes in myself, the more disconcerted I feel. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, I like what God is doing in my life, but sometimes I worry about becoming a new person. Plus, have you ever decided to make a change in your life only to have your friends scoff? You know, they say things like "Oh, OHkay. Sure, you've changed. I believe it. Just let me know when you are back to normal again." I guess those aren't really the best friends to have around, but still. Part of my knows that the changes GOD makes are more permanent and more readily identifiable, but still...Why are we as people not more supportive of those close to us? I am just as guilty as anybody. Mostly because I have known too many people who said they were changing who they were, yet they gave up after a few days. I do not want to be like that. I hope that throughout this month and the rest of my life, people will see Jesus reflected in me. That's really my goal through all of this. So, if you see me slipping, KNOCK ME UPSIDE THE HEAD! You have my permission.

Okay, that's all. I hope that you all have a GREAT weekend! And for those of you doing your own experiment, I am praying for you!

The One With Day 10

Current Mood: Festive
Current Music: Rosie O'Donnell and Friends A Rosie Christmas

Well, first off, let me apologize for not enabling comments on yesterday's post. The truth is, I know all of you pretty well and I knew that after reading what I wrote in World Lit, there would be some comments meant to be encouraging that I just did not want to read. So....SORRY! And secondly, Canadian Emily, I already know what you are going to say about the Christmas music, but what's a guy to do? There is a reason for it, which I will get to.

Now let me tell you about today. Today was....weird. It started at 5:45 because my registration window opened at 6:00. This is AM, mind you...not the infinitely more convenient PM. But that's okay, I made sure to get to bed a little earlier so that I would be okay with waking up (read: not sleeping through alarm).

Maybe it's time for a little insight into me. Many of you will already be acquainted with my somewhat nocturnal habits. I am ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY, 100% a night person. The sun is just too hot and bright, give me the cool darkness of night any day! I have problems going to bed at a decent hour. I work better at night and accomplish things more quickly and efficiently, and to a higher degree of quality. However, in a world of daywalkers, my preferences are often moot. So, anyway...waking up at 6 is often difficult because I don't usually go to sleep before 2. The irony of it is, I like morning. I like to be up as the sun is rising. I like the feel of a new day beginning. Do you ever feel like you have competing binaries in your personality? I do. There is the half of me that loves night and the half of me that loves seeing the dawn burn it off.

I am a psycho. So, I registered insanely early and then got dressed and took a shower (not in that order) and apparently laid back down on my bed, because my next memory is waking up at 12:45. Seriously. Serious oops. Astronomy starts at 11:00. Oh well, not much I could do about that. The bigger dilemma is that after taking a random nap in the morning, my whole day was thrown off. I felt like it should be evening when it was barely 1:00. I HATE that.

Wow, this is a stupid entry. And has nothing to do with being surprised. Sorry. Let me get back on track. Remember how I wrote before that I was noticing a trend in the things God is doing in my life? Well, that was just a theory, but I think that I may have been right on track. I'll just come right out and say it, instead of dancing around the point like last time. It looks like God is preparing me to meet my wife. That sounds like one of those mushy-gushy, niave, wishful-thinking, project-my-desires-onto-God's-plan things, doesn't it? Because I have definitely run across people who so desperately want to be with someone that they believe in earnest that everything in their lives is God pulling them toward their mate. The thing is, I am NOT one of those people. There have been many days when I have told God that I am perfectly fine with never being married (as you'll recall from previous posts, I have trust issues). The thought that at the end of this experiment, I may be on my way to sharing my life with someone forever is....



terrifying.

Utterly and completely terrifying.

Well, and exciting...I don't know. Okay I do.

Today I spent the majority of my time fighting "moments" (shout out to Bethany Moon!). When I was younger, my best friend Bethany would tease me because every once in a while, I would have what we termed a "moment." A moment occurred when, out of character, I would see a movie or read a book that made me want to get married and/or have a family. But today has been nuts. At first, I thought "Well, here we go with a moment. Spectacular." But the endurance of these encounters really forced me to think - soul searching, I guess. Ug, how cliched. So, I began to have an honest conversation with God about it. Gradually, my view moved through a two minute "moment" of "That would be nice" to "I want that" to "Gosh, that's mighty strange how this feeling is not going away" to God finally pausing my thoughts and saying, "You're ready for that."


See? Terrifying. I mean, the prospect in itself is unnerving, but what makes it all the more daunting is the fact that I would NEVER think that I am ready for marriage, so I know it wasn't my thought. I am still arguing it in my head...all the while my stomach is flip flopping around. Because I DON'T think I am ready...I haven't even been on a real date in forever and I had no plans to change that. I don't like dating. So, it makes me nervous that God might just have plans of His own.

Okay, so that was what went on today. I feel better having written it down. If there are any of you out there who are thinking about or have already started this experiment, PLEASE consider keeping a journal. It doesn't have to be online where everyone can see it (sometimes I think that is one of God's biggest changes - the fact that I am openly writing how my life is being molded every day), but the results will be something you want to record. And it helps to organize your thoughts as you go through the 30 days. It can be a little overwhelming. And if any of you ARE keeping an online journal and don't mind, I would LOVE to see how God is working in your life! Just leave a comment or E-mail me (you can find my address from my main page).


So, I leave you with this last item of interest from today, as if this post wasn't long enough already. I got a random text message today from a phone number that was nearly identical to mine...down to the last digit which was two numbers off. I am posting our conversation here for your amusement...Sheesh, some people.

THEM: Hello
Me: Hello?
THEM: Uh who is this
Me: If you don't know, why did you send me a text message?
THEM: Uh maybe i did or maybe i didnt
[At this point, I figured it was just a mistake and went back to work. However...]
THEM: Im a freshmen
Me: Okay, you have my attention. What does your being a freshman have to do with it?
THEM: At wylie high school
Me: Congrats.
THEM: In texas
Me: Dude, we have the same area code. I know where WHS is.
THEM: How old are you
Me: Ah, I don't think that's information you need.
THEM: Well me being a freshmen in high school interest you i think i should know
Me: What interested me was that you thought your grade was pertinent, not your age.
THEM: Okay you still didnt answer my question
Me: You are most observant.
THEM: Look you sound like a F****** nerd
[Well, I may be sarcastic, but I am relatively good natured until you start using naughty words. Then you just show me that you are an uneducated ditz incapable of expressing yourself]
Me: Ha. And your diction makes you sound like someone of profound intelligence.
THEM: Wats profound mean
Me: You can't guess what I am going to say? Look it up.
THEM: Your very weird
Me: Maybe. But then, you barely know me.
THEM: Are you atistic
Me: I think you mean autistic. Or artistic. There wasn't much context to go with. Pick one.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Yes, yes I am autisitc. I am an autistic savant with enough social understanding to mock your poor grammar and utter disregard for punctuation with wit and class, all while ironing my freshly cleaned clothes and watching my favorite television shows just downloaded from Encodes[bot].

Atistic. They asked if I was ATISTIC! Anyway, after my last message, they apparently got fed up and moved on to better things. You know, like egging houses or getting cartilage pierced. Or maybe it was past their bedtime.


OH! And by the way...I hate the fact that all of the businesses in the country have had their Christmas decorations up for two weeks already. Whatever happened to Thanksgiving? IRRITATION! I was already prepared to RAIL on my Starbucks when I saw the Christmas deco leaking through the front windows...until I saw that they have the next batch of holiday drinks out. I mean, I love me some Pumpkin Spice Latte, but I MELT for Gingerbread! And Eggnog! And Peppermint Mocha! Hence the festive feelings and Christmas music tonight. I love Christmas.

The One With Day 9

Current Mood: Happy

So, today was...weird. I am in a good mood now, but I did not start out this way. The most interesting surprise from today is, frustratingly, something about which I cannot tell you. Suffice it to say, God has planted a little seed in my head - one that is exciting, intriguing, and a little daunting...we'll just have to see how it grows.

I do want to read to you the little entry that I wrote today in World Lit...it is not entirely accurate, but I was feeling UBER mellow at the time. I wrote this entry, then I felt a lot better. In fact, I felt good enough to work on one my scripts. It's gonna be grand! (Side note, the Screnplays and Scriptwriting class I wanted to take is full....Grrr...and I can't even register until tomorrow!) So, without further adieu...my ranting post.

I am now ready, in theory, to take notes on Kafka's "The Metamorphosis." The problem is that, at the moment, I couldn't care less. About anything really. I don't even find Graham amusing today. That's just sad. I have a Christian Heritage test today and I haven't studied even a tiny amount. Seriously, I want to be anywhere but here. I need a vacation.

I think that my enthusiasm for school and life in general moves in waves. At the moment, I would like to be out in the world working an exotic job. Perhaps as a photojournalist. That would be an AWESOME job! I feel so cooped up sitting here in endless classes that will likely continue for at least another two years. I am tired. I want to be out in the owrld as it moves and changes, instead of trapped in this obnoxiously hot city stuck in a perpetual whirlwind of boredom.

God, what are you doing with my life? How long am I going to sit here useless? I want to be used. I feel like I am wasting my time here - like I should be out there using my talents instead of sitting in a room filled with pompous sorority girls scanning the room for their next conquest. There has GOT to be more to life.

P.S. Everytime I look up, I am greeted by two butt-cracks. Is it any wonder I am in a bad mood?


Phew! So, apparently I was a little bitter! But, my day got better, so don't you worry. I hope that at some point in time I can tell you about today's surprise . I apologize for being cagey, but it must remain a secret to work. Good night, everyone!

The One With Day 8

So, I have a confession to make. Today was the epitome of a down day. I didn't even ask God to surprise me. I feel badly because He has been so faithful to this whole experiment and today I forgot. How dreadful is that? I actually forgot. Anyway...just because I faltered doesn't mean that God did. That is most definitely one of my favorites of God's attributes. Even when I am goober enough to fail Him, he remains loving and faithful to me. Ah...if only the world reflected that.

Anyway, today I got some updates as to how other people are doing in their experiments. It's amazing to me how God caters this experience to each individual. Two of my friends are facing some difficult times in their first week, but they seem to be strong enough to handle it, plus God's influence is already evident in their countenances. LOVE IT! So...I guess that's it. I wish I had more to say, but perhaps tomorrow will be more interesting.

The One With Day 7

Current Mood: Bouncy
Current Music: Apotheosis A Little More Runway

Well, let me start by filling you in a little more on yesterday's happenings. If you didn't know already, Sunday is my FAVORITE day of the week! Well, it was...I might just have to switch it over to Mondays...but that's getting into today and I am supposed to be telling you about YESTERDAY! Oops. Back on track.

Anyway, Sunday is my favorite day because I get to go to choir! I am such a geek that I usually arrive there an hour early just because I can't stand waiting around at home thinking, "I get to go to choir today!" I am a dork. And I am good with that. So, I love going to choir. There is something enriching about helping a bunch of high schoolers be the BEST church choir in the world! You don't even understand. In fact...you know what I am going to do? For ONE DAY ONLY, I am going to put the choir's most recent CD in the Top 10 Player. Enjoy! So, I went to choir and had a blast praising with da tenors! Then my dad and I went to see Jarhead...which *SHOCKER* I liked! I am not a war movie kind of guy, but this one was interesting. Now, on to what God worked yesterday!

Firstly, I got a fun comment from a guy named Randall in Day 5 that I read on Day 6. I think I forgot to tell you, but not too long ago, I received an E-mail from someone wanting to use one of my pictures in a website for a new hotel opening in Israel. Click here to see the site. After you click English at the top of the screen, watch for one of my dolphin pictures to scroll by on the left. Anyway, Randall wants to talk to me about a project he is working on and it sounds interesting! It is very flattering to have people say that they like what I have worked on.

In addition to the comment yesterday, I had a little epiphany about my choice in careers. For three years, I was studying chemistry and I just moved into music education. Quite a jump. I really believe that this is where God wants me, but there is always something else out there I want to do. My problem is that I want to do EVERYTHING! In the past year of so, I have started planning and writing stories and scripts about all kinds of things. I just love to tell stories! Anyway, yesterday it felt like God was tapping my on my shoulder and saying, "You know, I created you to excel in many different things. I did not give you a single talent upon which to base your life. You CAN do everything, and I want you to. I want you to use your talents for me." So, I am going to really work on some of my writing and see if I can't finish something (new ideas pop up so quickly, that I rarely finish each project). Then I will see about getting some of it published here in Waco. We'll see how that goes.

Okay, that was yesterday. Here's today.

First off, you should know that I woke up in a bad mood. When that happens, I don't get mean or anything, but my patience is out the window. All of the little inconsiderate actions of others in the city that I would normally overlook suddenly become show-stopping personal vendettas against me. That's how I spent my morning. Planning violent beheadings of most of the city's population. Then I went to chapel and for the second chapel in a row (NO WAY!!!), it was amazing! A young gentleman named J.R. Baker spoke about a number of things. He really just paced across the stage and ranted about the parts of the Christian life that irritate him. He made one point that really stuck with me. He pointed out that God wants our hearts. That is all. Yes, following his call is good. So is living a holy life. So is bringing others to Him. But that's not what He wants. He wants US! Sometimes I think that's absolutely amazing. And sometimes, I imagine how I will feel toward my kids. No matter what kind of person they become, I will want to spend time with THEM, regardless. Then it makes perfect sense. Chapel was interesting. As we started singing the songs in the worship set, I was standing at the back of the auditorium (a HUGE blessing because then I would not have to fight my way out to be in my next class on time) not really singing because I TOTALLY didn't feel like it. I remember telling God that I WANTED to praise Him and fill my thoughts with images of Him, but I just wasn't feeling it. All of a sudden, it was like He was standing next to me encouraging me and lifting my bad mood out of the back of my head. I had no problem singing after that. In fact, the rest of my day went considerably better! That was a big deal because it is rare that God feels like a physical presence that I could reach out and touch, but today, I didn't feel alone in chapel.

Now, as for why Monday may now be my favorite day. For those of you who know of or went to FBA, the friend that I ran into last week was Daniel Hampton - a friend that I have not seen in over four years. Tonight I went with him and his wife to one of their friend's house to eat dinner and hang out. It was GREAT! I have prayed for a very long time that God would introduce me into a group of Christians my age that I can have fun with. Well, the guys (and girls) tonight were a blast and my Sims style Social Meter is completely full! The best part is that they meet every Monday, so now I have friends to look forward to every week. YEAH! I cannot tell you how peaceful I feel knowing that I am not the only Christian in this ridiculously non-Baptist school. Hooray!

Last, but not least, God showed me today how He is using my expereinces with this experiment to reach out to other people. I have two friends who mentioned today that they are intrigued by "Surprise Me, God" and one of them has even started the experiment on her own! That's awesome! I would love to see all of my friends try it out because it is amazing to see what God does...even though it has only been a week for me. Three more to go!!

The One With Day 6

Well...today has been kindof a down day. I am feeling a little cagey, so details will not be forthcoming tonight. Today was very restful. I spent most of it at church with a meal and a movie in between. Aside from a very interesting comment on Day 5's post and a startling revelation considering my career choice, nothing too surprising happened. Ug, I am tired! I apologize for this short, un-interesting post, but I am going to bed. I will tell more later!

The One With Day 5

Current Mood:
Current Music: "Open Up Your Eyes" by Jeremy Camp found directly on the right hand side of your screen in the Top 10 music player!

So, today was a really good day! Nothing shocking to report, but we all know that shock-value does not rank highly on his list of priorities. I am at my parents house in Ovilla for the weekend and it's kinda nice. I didn't bring an ounce of homework, so I get to read for a change! Yeah for a small break!

I spent the entire afternoon sailing on my dad's boat with some of the other choir sponsors and a couple of their friends from church. You should be proud of me..I am proud of me. I spent two hours on a small boat with a person that I really do not like at all. And you know what? It was fine. Are you noticing a trend in the experiment so far? No? Well, let me fill you in. It seems to me that God is spending a lot of energy working on my relationships with other people. For those of you who do not know me, let me tell you a little about myself. As a rule, I am not a people person. I have my little group of friends (You'll find their names on the right side of the screen :-), but it takes me a LONG time to warm up to someone new. I am just not the trusting type. In fact, I have always been a little bit of a loner. I have no problem with staying holed up in my house for an entire weekend without leaving once. I always knew that I needed only myself to survive. I think that one of the biggest things God is teaching me is that that is not true. He designed us to be social beings and to draw fulfillment from those around us. He's been bringing people into my life lately for his own purposes. In some cases, it has just been to give me someone to hang out with. In others, he has given me the opportunity to revive relationships that I let fade. And he has shown me that his love encompasses all...without exception. Mine should as well.I have to admit that I have spent no small amount of time trying to extrapolate God's grand design in this experiment. I know that I shouldn't because I am most likely wrong and there is no way I could ever comprehend the plans of God, but I can't help myself. So, here are the things I have noticed thus far...

1. He is bringing me closer to Him and moving me into the paths he has for me.
2. God is teaching me about relationships with others and helping me trust those he places in my life.
3. He moved me past a fruitless obsession and helped me realize the kind of girl he has in mind for me.

You can draw your own conclusions. Whatever He has planned...I am excited!

The One With Day 4

Current Mood: Nonchalant

Today was a day of subtlety as opposed to a day of out of control shockers. It was just a nice, uneventfu lday. Enough so that I don't even really have much to write. So, here is the run down of the ways God worked on Day 4.

1. I spent time reading my Bible and praying for the first time in a few months this morning. Since I have moved to Waco...and dealt with all the events that have transpired since...I let a lot of my personal life go. That's not good. But this morning, I really felt pulled to spending time with God. Actually, I really felt pulled YESTERDAY, but I managed to busy myself out of it. Oops. It's different now...much like I am noticing that most things are different now. It's not a choice so much as it is a pull. I didn't feel guilty yesterday when I left my Bible on its perch, I felt disappointed. Like when I miss my favorite television show or a new book is missing a page. Anyway, that's kinda interesting.

2. Spent most of this morning in a bit of a funk about....well, you know what about. It's so stupid. I really figured I would wake up this morning and feel all better because, come on....it's a little goofy to still be allowing a foiled crush to overshadow my day. I got to World Literature and made it a little over half way through when I realized that I hadn't taken a single note of any substance. There were many inane scribblings and some semblences of words, but that is all. At that point, I closed my eyes and had a nice little conversation with myself. I reminded myself that I had no right to be upset and that I alone control my emotions. If I didn't want to feel this way, I didn't have to. Then came a few minutes of debating about whether or not I wanted to admit defeat, but my saner side won out and I put my bad mood behind me.

3. I made my new pasta dish today. I realize that that does not seem like the work of God, but I forgotten how much joy it brings me to cook! I love standing in a kitchen that smells like freshly baked anything! The pasta was interesting. Jenn didn't really liked it. I thought it was okay. Definitely interesting. Good enough that I saved the rest for later.

4. Jenn and I went to see a movie tonight and, I know you'll find this hard to imagine, I ran into another friend from high school. Well....I say friend, but he and I always had a somewhat unorthodox relationship. Definitely not the best of friends. Anyway, it was nice to get to talk to him for a minute and hear what he has been up to. He's in law school. I have not the words. I aplaud anyone with that kind of patience. This marks the second friend I have re-met in a week that has gotten married since I last saw them. Yup. Drilled THAT point home today.

5. And finally, after reading over some of the comments thus far in the experiment, I came to the realization that I have some amazing friends! It means a lot to me that people actually care enough to say nice encouraging things when I, were I in their shoes, might have said something mean and sarcastic. Hopefully that's one of those traits God will work on this month.

There have a been a number of hits in the past few days from people who linked over from the Surprise Me website. I think that's great! I hope that this Blog encourages them to start the experiment in their own lives! It's awesome!

On a related note, one of the other blogs that is listed on the Surprise Me site posted something intriguing the other day. They wrote that the only rule in the experiment was that you prayed, "Surprise me, God," and that was it. No other prayers. Now, I don't think that was Esau's intention, but not having read the book, I could be mistaken. Even if that WAS his intention, I don't know if I could do it. I would not want to go a month without a real conversation. That's hard to imagine.



So....if you linked here from Surprise Me, me advice is continually make God a part of your experiment. Even more than simply asking him to surprise you. To do otherwise seems fruitless.



Wow. Guess I had more to say than I thought.

The One With the End of Day 3

Current Mood: Crushed

Let me start this off by saying that for the time being NO ONE is allowed to make jokes. I KNOW that I am a goober. I KNOW that it was a stupid pipedream that never would have ever happened. I KNOW that it's ridiculous that I am actually upset about this.


But, at the moment, I am. So please....hold off on making fun of me at least until tomorrow.






Two days ago, Bethany Joy Lenz got engaged.


I know that you are laughing right now. But, let me tell you something. I have absolutely no idea why, but I am really truly honest-to-goodness crushed. I was gonna write sad or upset, but crushed seems to be the descriptive term most applicable. Stop it! Stop laughing or smirking or whatever you are doing. Truth be told, I keep shaking my head and thinking, "Are you kidding me with this? It was a STUPID celebrity crush! This is absolutely stupid! You canNOT be this upset over something so retarded!"

But I am. Maybe it's because it's late or I have a lot on my mind or...I don't know, but I really feel like someone just broke up with me.

What a sad, pathetic little man I am. I know, I am acknowledging that, for some reason, my head is blowing this way out of proportion...I don't know. I am an idiot.


See...I have been sitting here trying to pretend like this is NOT part of my 30 day experiment, but I know that it is. She is engaged to a member of a band that she loves and I do not. Tonight, I decided to swing by the band's site (which I have only visited once before), when I came across today's post in their journal announcing the engagement.

The very day it is announced, I randomly type in a web address I haven't thought about in months? So, there you go. That's what happened on Day 3.

My crush crushed me.

My quandry is this...Why does a silly crush factor into this experiment?


Well, now that I have had time to sit and think...and write about it, I might be able to answer that. But to do so thoroughly, I must fill you in on some stuff. Namely, what attracted me to Joy in the first place...

See, she is....was....my ideal girl. I thought she was cute from the first episode of One Tree Hill that I watched, but only when read some of her interviews did I really place her on my crush list (I say list...it had one member). She is thoughtful, poised, funny, good-natured, passionate about books and music, and most of all - a Christian. And not just one of those Hollywood Christians. The fact that her character on One Tree Hill remained a virgin until she got married was not a coincidence. Her advice to girls on dating was to remember that they are worth pursuing and to wait for the guy who respects them and wants what is best for them. To go along with Jenn's chilvary post today...she demanded chilvary.

Anyway, my theory is that God wants me to find that person in real life...well, not real life...you know what I mean. And OBVIOUSLY, he does. That's what he wants for all of us. Oh....I am all typed out. I am going to sleep now and hopefully something tomorrow will cheer me up. I know, it's ridiculous that I need cheering up.


And I thought Day 3 was going to end up being boring.


OH! And you'll love this...All of sudden, it's like someone flipped a switch and now I love the band she's marrying into. Their music is really good and I will have to post some when I get the chance. Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

The One WIth Day 3

Current Mood: Peaceful

Well, there is not much to report for Day 3. Nothing as exciting as Days 1 or 2 occurred (although there is still some time left ;-), which initially had me a trifle disappointed. Then, I started thinking about today. Considering the last two days, I have absolute faith that God is working big things in my life during this experiment and he doesn't take days off. So, I am excited that in another 27 days, I will get to look back and hopefully see the things God was moving into place.

I had an Astronomy test this morning, on which I believe I did well, then I went to Starbucks to work on a paper with Graham...still need to write it, but it's only a one-pager. After that, I came home and tried to clear off some of the shows stored on the DVR and went grocery shopping. I am trying a new recipe tomorrow and I am UBER excited about it! Tomorrow, I just have to go get some garlic (which I forgot) and some......VODKA! AAAHHHHH! I do not like going into liquor stores. I feel like a major boozer when I do, but I will survive!

Lastly, I came home, unloaded the groceries, cleaned dishes, and flipped on last night's ONE TREE HILL! And yes, Lindsay, I am thoroughly enjoying all the drama! I am a little disappointed that the WB is being losser with the foul language this season, but it could be worse....I guess it's within tolerances....for the moment. I know that no one else will understand this but Lindsay and my mom, but I am saddened by how much Nathan resembles his father now. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Okay, just had to send a little shout out to OTH and to Bethany Joy. Come on, now. You can't tell me she isn't cute.


Well, you could.


But that would be a lie.



And you know it.


She IS cute.

And sweet and funny and talented...but you get the picture, right?

All in all, it has been a very relaxing day. I am looking forward to finishing this paper, eating a sour cream donut (YUM!!!) and going to bed. Goodnight, everyone!

The One With Day 2

Current Mood: Hopeful

I realized yesterday that I never really went into any detail about what God was doing on Day 1. Sorry about that! I have noticed today that my entire attitude has changed. I have been in a stellar mood all day and...I don't mind keeping you up to date on my experiment! As someone normally intensely private, that is a big deal!

So, here go. Yesterday morning I asked God to surprise me. Then I had a dreadful day! By the time I got out of school, I was in a truly deplorable mood. As soon as I got in my car to go home, Diana called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her and suzy and their mother (the illustrious VTC Champion!). Well, OR COURSE! So, that put me in a better mood, but I didn't really think anything of it. Then, I decided to check out this thing called MySpace...which is like Blogger and Facebook combined. I don't really use it, but I wanted to browse through the people who went to my high school.

This is where God stepped in. Half way down the page, I ran across a MySpace that looked like a friend of mine from long ago. When I checked into it, it was indeed! His MySpace was relatively empty, but it held a link to his Xanga. Once there, I felt like searching for a phone number...so I did. And there, staring at me on the page was something he had written that could have a personalized message to me direct from God. All that was missing was my name before the first sentence.

Well, I sat there completely stunned for a minute, then wrote down the number on a whim. Anyway, that was when I posted my post last night. Then....along came today...


So, first of all, chapel today was AMAZING! Not that it takes much for chapel to be amazing, but it was great! The whole thing was a concert by local band, Dutton. And they were spectacular. if Coldplay and Collective Soul had a Christian band child, it would be Dutton. It is nice to get to praise without having to sing the same songs repeatedly. Yeah, so that was cool. THEN, things got interesting.

I decided to call the phone number that I wrote down last night. The voice on the answering machine SOUNDED like my friend, but I wasn't sure, so I stuttered my way through a "Um...I don't know if you remember me but..." and hung up. A few minutes later, I got a call back and was shocked to learn that this guy (and his wife---urg. More married people) LIVE IN WACO! So, before I knew it, I was on my way over to their apartment (thankfully, God say fit to cancel my class this afternoon. Otherwise, it wouldn't have happened) which we promptly deserted in favor of a quiet shooting range.


I SHOT A GUN!!!! I SHOT A GUN!! Are you paying attention to me? I SHOT a GUN!!! If you don't know me, then hear this. As a rule, I am not a gun person. At all. The last time I even picked up a gun, all these images of what it could do flashed through my head and I nearly dropped it. But today, I managed to keep that under control and, after the initial terror, had a great time! I shot two different handguns and the equivalent of a M-16!! Oh my goodness! Are you impressed? You SO should be!

So, anyway, this guy invited me to hang out with him and his friends this week, and I am very excited about it. FINALLY! Nice people in Waco! I am unbelievably grateful that God is leading me to Christian friends...that just changes my whole outlook!

Then, on top of that...I think I fell God calling me to a church. Which is not something I expected. In the past, the churches I have attended have been sortof defaults. I went to Grace because it was across the street and I knew someone who went there. I went to Kurten because I couldn't stand to go to Grace anymore and Kurten opened up and welcomed me. This is the first time I have felt drawn to a particular place. This both excites me and scares me. It means that God has something in mind for me to be doing. He is leading me for a purpose, and I curious to see what it is? Anyway, more to come on that front later. Still testing the waters.

So that brings us to the end of Day 2. I can't believe how quickly this is progressing. Sheesh, by Day 30, I will be a missionary in six countries with my loving wife, Bethany Joy Lenz, by my side....wait, I think I drifted...

The One With Surprise Me, God

Current Mood: Trepidatious

I learned something new today. No, I suppose that is not true. It would be more accurate to say that I saw in reality something that I had always taken for granted. In chapel on Monday, a gentleman by the name of Terry Esau was invited to speak about his book Surprise Me, God. However, his planned speech went through the shredder the day before...it proved to be an interesting chapel.

Terry Esau has a daughter at Baylor, which is why he was available to speak. He came down on Saturday to spend the weekend with her and go with her to church on Sunday before speaking on Monday.



His daughter attends University Baptist Church.

As you can imagine, the humorous speech he had written for our inattentive ears no longer seemed appropriate. Instead, he spoke about the personal experiment upo0n which he based his book. Surprise Me, God is basically a journal telling of Terry's 30 day experiment with God. He woke up one morning and prayed that God would surprise him. It seems like such a funny thing to do, but he began to tell stories of how God impacted his life through people he met over the next month and through events that transpired. It was, apparently, intriguing enough to warrant a whole book.

So, this morning, I decided to try the experiment. I figured, "why not?" I have nothing to lose and I know that I could always use a tune-up in the spiritual walk department. I never doubted that God could do it. I mean, I know deep inside that he is active and moving, but sometimes the God of the Bible who appeared in towering flames or parted an entire sea or even just kept dew from forming on a fleece seems so...distant. Those things don't happen anymore. I think we are lulled into thinking that God is there when we want him to be, but we keep Him separated from our lives. I have "God-land" in my head where we have our daily conversations, but that's where it ends.

Anyway, I was excited at the prospect of God surprising me this morning...but didn't really think beyond that. But tonight, things changed. God doesn't have to work in still, small whisperings. Many times he does. Many times, a suggestion that only the tiniest portion of our mind can hear is exactly what we need. But not always. I think I limited God. Not that God could be limited, but I think that because I never expected Him to work something tangible - something more than a vapor in my ear - he never did. I don't think there is much else in this world more shocking than to see God clearly. It's like coming home, unlocking the front door that you lock compulsively to protect your home from anything outside, and finding a note sitting on your desk that says, "I can find you. You cannot keep me away. I am here and I am working."

And now, I am nervous. In some moments, downright scared. This is day 1. I have 29 days to go. How real will God be at the end?

The One With the Buses

Current Mood: Good!
Current Music: KSBJ

Hey, everybody! Not much is going on lately...not that that is anything unusual. I am sitting here preparing to head off for my Astronomy lab, which I detest. I do not want to go back over there. This morning, when I was walking across the street to the school, I noticed a police officer on the sidewalk across from me with a long curly cord plugged into the big silver box that controls the traffic signals. I thought that he must be running diagnostics or something. It didn't occur to me that signal maintenance is not really in the job description of Waco finest....until fifteen minutes had passed and I was still on the wrong side of the street.


That's right, that curly cord was connected to a big red button labelled "ANNOY". He was holding the signal. For fifteen minutes while I watched fifty-six buses full of kids making rude gestures creep by. FIFTY-SIX!!!! That's insane? Shouldn't those kids be in school. I could understand if it was two buses. Or maybe three. And they were all from the same school, but NOOOOO! These buses came from all over. Seriously, it was like the pied piper joined the twenty-first century and adopted the mask of the pied bus driver. IRRITATION! Anyway, so now I am all schooled out. Which is too bad, because now I have to go deal with Greek-Geek. Last week he forgot how to say black hole.


I'm not kidding....Black Hole.


HE'S AN ASTRONOMER!!! Wow, this sounds bitter. I am not bitter, just not in the mood to go back to school today. Hahaha. I just realized that I wrote that I am in a good mood at the top. Well, I WAS! I still am, just feeling a little cynical. I need to put a cynical-meter on this page somewhere. A cynicometer. Just so you know what to expect. Maybe next day.