The One With Day 12

Current Mood: Different
Current Music: Point of Grace "Day by Day" from 24

I was going to write that today was a stinker, but I have been thinking about it and that is not exactly true. Sure, my plans never materialized. Sure, I let myself hope for something that I knew was ridiculous. But, as I look back over today, it wasn't too bad.

I still feel weird, almost as if seomone else looking out at the world through my eyes. But then, I know it's me.....yeah, that doesn't make any sense. And I am okay with that.

Today I had planned to go sailing with my parents and my neighbor, but my dad spent all day working on the pump in the creek behind our house and sailing never happened. That stinks, but it's not too bad. I went shopping with my mom. Not for anything fun, really. Medecine for Bear, some groceries, and sprinkler parts mostly. I DID wind up with a SWEET new CD though, coutesy of my mother.


IT'S A CHRISTMAS CD AND I DON'T CARE!!!!!! We were standing in line at Starbucks and I picked it up to see who was on it. Are you ready for this? Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Dean Martin, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, B.B. King, Nat King Cole........it's AWESOME! So, when I saw it, I gasped, of course. Well, my mom grabbed it and handed it to the cashier. Everyone say Ahhhhhhh...So, I have a STELLAR new CD and that's good.

Now, for the dashing of the hopes bit. I don't think I ever wrote about this on here, so this might be new for some of you. Or maybe I did....I can't remember. Either way, I had to quit driving to Zion (my church) on Sunday mornings after the Hurricanes because I have to go to Dallas Sunday night and gas was just too expensive. Oh, I think I DID talk about this....anyway, I kinda went into full blown hermit mode for about a week, but I got better. Well, NOW gas prices have dropped back down to below where they were before, so I thought for sure my dad would be okay with my going back to Kurten.



Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh.....notsomuch. That's frustrating, but not out of character. The truth is, to my dad, church=First Baptist Church Dallas. That's where he was raised and spent nearly his entire life. It's not his fault, but the fact that I am choir sponsor there means to him that this whole country church thing is just a phase. He thinks I have friends there and that I just want to go to social hour every Sunday morning because that's why he goes to church. The truth is, I love that little church! Yes, the people there are wonderful and I love spending time with them. But, more than that, I feel comfortable at Zion (something I have NEVER been able to say about FBCD), the messages are genuine and heartfelt (as opposed to over-dramatic and rehearsed), and I get to praise God in an atmosphere where no one is judgemental and is truly there to worship (instead of being present to make a social statement). I know that this all sounds a little harsh. I wish that you could HEAR me say all of this instead of reading it, because NONE of what I am saying is mean-spirited or bitter. It's just the truth. And it's a truth that I have never let myself admit because I know that my dad wants me at FBC and I figured that I was just being wistful and silly.

But today, my mom told me that I was just trying to hold onto the past. Yes, because my futureless, goaless life in College Station is DEFINITELY a past I wish was still part of my present....She told me that it is time for me to find a church family in Waco. The problem is that I do not get to join church families. Three churches in four years. That's not enought time to get plugged in. I am not holding onto the past, I am trying not to get lost in the present.

Not to worry, everyone. I made a committment to Grady and he was generous enough to let me work with the choir that was a big part of my life for a long time. As much as sometimes I wish I had made a different decision, I will keep coming to Dallas every Sunday to help where I am needed. My heartfelt apologies to everyone at Zion, but it looks like I may not get to come back like I had planned.


Okay, that makes me extremely sad, now that I think about it. Leaving it up to God is sometimes easier said than done. I wish that I knew someone I could talk to. Not necessarily about this, but in general. It's been an adventure getting to know the people that God put into (or back into) my life of late, but I have thus far not found anyone that I feel completely comfortable around. *sigh* Someday. OH! And before I forget...Mom, do NOT leave me a comment about dad on this post or further clarifying the collaborative parental position in this matter. I understand and, no matter what you are going to tell yourself, I am NOT mad at either one of you. Really! I promise! This is not an attack on dad, I just made a promise to be honest throughout this experiment and there it is.

So...that's what happened today. I am not in a bad mood or depressed like this post makes it sound. I promise! And I was not mad at my parents. I was a little irritated with myself for letting me get so hopeful about something I should have known wasn't going to happen, but such is life. I guess there is not much of a surprise in today. I know God is working, I feel it in my attitude and the way my thought processes work now, and I am waiting to see where He takes me next. In the meantime, I think I am going to go to bed. Church tonorrow. Not really sure where I am going to go, but I am going somewhere!