The One With the Wind

What's your favorite feeling? I used to think that laughter was the best feeling in the entire world. Or maybe hope. That's the glory of emotion...it's just so hard to nail down. I have since come to the conclusion that my favorite feeling is one that seems to enjoy playing hard to get. I suppose that's part of the draw.

Normally, I have a section that I stole from LJ at the top of my posts that lists the music playing and my mood. Unfortunately, tonight both will remain empty. As far as music goes...I am not listening to anything. Every once in a while, I'll post something when I am in a hurry and I don't have anything playing at that moment, but usually, there is SOMEone serenading me from the stereo. Tonight, I don't even want to turn any music on.

Tonight is the PERFECT night. This is my favorite feeling in all the world, and it's one that doesn't have a name and that I cannot really describe. Outside the wind is blowing and the sounds of my neighborhood are strangely absent. The rooster and the donkey and even the dogs are feeling the same way I am. All is silent. The window next to my desk is open, as is the back door, so the wind that's travelling through my little city is now spinning through my kitchen. I love the wind. I think the wind reminds me of change. Whenever I am standing outside on a windy night like tonight, I start to think about all the different directions I could take. I could be anything I want to be. Writer, Singer, Actor, Teacher. Maybe all. Maybe none. The point is, for just the small amount of time that the night is perfect, the world doesn't seem quite so big. It feels like everyone else is asleep and I alone have the ability to stand on top of the globe and look around. Right now, I am not in Waco, Texas. I am in a tiny house on the beach listening to the waves crash onto the shore just beyond my window. I am sitting on a balcony in D'Ni, writing in a journal as I look across the luminescent cavern. I am in the heart of downtown, listening to the sounds of laughter and music that characterize only those who are taking the time to be who they want to be, even if it's only for a night, only for an hour, only for one more song.

What is it about night? Do you feel like a different person once the sun goes down? No matter what time I acquiesced to my alarm clock hours ago or how many lectures I pretended to comprehend or how many times I was terrified of singing in front of my classmates, the night energizes me. If I am not asleep by dusk, then I would do better to write off the entire evening, because I know it will be morning before I am asleep. At night, I am not afraid to take the risks that seem so daunting under the sun. At night, my doubts about my life disappear because at night, I don't have dreams for the future, I AM the future. I am not planning to be a singer, I write the songs that make people stop and think about the things they overlook any other day of the year. I am not worried about figuring out how to get production companies to read my script, I am sitting next to the fireplace figuring out how Micah will deal with facing a room filled with hundreds of people waiting to judge him without a friend in site.

All I can hear is this tiny little set of windchimes that has been on our back porch since we moved in. I always thought of it as kind of a joke because each chime is only a few inches long and made of such thin aluminum that two have already bent and twisted, but tonight they're peaceful. Comforting, even. It's like they are singing out a reminder that the wind is still moving. Change is coming. Everything that is will not always be. Bring on the wind. Can you feel the wind?